I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just tell him i said nine months
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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