Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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