I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize