i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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