i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
