we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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