His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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