It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
