if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize