dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
