My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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