nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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