Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
