bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
