is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
