Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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