If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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