you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
