He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
