That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
