Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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