Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Boobs are out for the taking
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
