So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Life is so much better after having sex.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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