Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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