I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
