I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
