I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i already hear my dad disowning me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
