you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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