I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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