ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
