How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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