I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
