i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
