So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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