he shaved USA in his pubs
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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