look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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