We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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