Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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