i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
