Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
where are my eyebrows?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
