Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
