There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
