Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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