and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I believe in your delicious
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
