youre lurking in front of me
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize