lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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