Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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