i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
