If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
