Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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