So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
