I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize