mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
