it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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