THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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