She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize