This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
