If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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