trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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