Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
