Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I really regret not asking ālike a cupcakeā when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
