I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dignity is for republicans.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
