Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
