You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
