Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
