Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
