So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
