if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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