your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
